I Lived…

Wondering, “whats with the vague title?” ?. Scroll down my blog and it’ll all start to make sense.

2015! Probably the best year yet. This year was filled with the most stressful to the happiest moments- for which I’d give anything to relive. This year taught me life lessons as well as gave me ample time for self introspection. So here I am, listing down the various events this year that changed my mind and my heart to a great extent.

As the year began, mom was still looking out for a decent job. Dad was on the verge of losing his current job and there I was in between, figuring out my life – my not so great ‘love’ life (YES, I wouldn’t let go of her) and my career ahead. All the while I lived in UAE I was pretty sure of studying there. I had already created the rosiest picture of college life that I’d lead in a few months time. I imagined being in UAE and dating the love of my life. But as days passed and our financial condition kept getting increasingly uncertain by the day, I was forced to abandon my dreams and start anew. I was forced to think about India, something I never imagined I’d do. And so I began the great hunt for universities. That was one hell of a process that I have no idea how I got through. It was decided. I was to leave for India for a ‘bright future’.

I told myself everyday, “It couldn’t be that bad to leave UAE for India”. But just a month before I left, the person I loved all along begins to like me. Not love, like me. But that still meant a great deal and that crushed my heart before I left.

This kept me sad for a long time until I got my academic results. I was overjoyed and to see the smile on mom’s face was priceless. Thats when everything began to fall in place. I got an offer from two universities and I chose one. It was a tough decision but I made it and I feel no regrets whatsoever. I still missed ‘her’.  As time passed though the feelings faded away. Once college began, the feelings were almost nil, until I went back for vacations and got my heart tangled again.

The first semester of college wasn’t that great since it started off with people misunderstanding me having a thing for someone I didn’t have the slightest thing. Made me feel like making a good girl friend would be close to impossible. Almost made me go into depression until I decided to widen my avenues of friendship.

My entire vacations were spent hanging out with my first crush. Made me fall in love with her again, leaving me in tears the day left, thinking about the moments we spent together. But the moment I stepped foot on Indian soil I decided to change. I had gone past the limit long back but it still wasn’t too late. I had to move on and so I did. It wasn’t an easy task but the illusions to my heart worked!

As second semester began, I began liking a girl in my class. A sweet girl with whom spending time was a joy. Spending time was timeless. Smiling at her like an idiot every time she made a face. Smiling to myself just at the thought of her. I wont say this was love. Love is a big word. This is a happiness that you don’t want to let go of. That you want to give it a chance to mix with love. It may take days, weeks, months or even years, but it seems worth it because every moment that I spend with her seems worth it and not a waste of precious time. I’m the worst when it comes to hiding my feelings and keeping them suppressed. Hiding sorrow is easier than hiding my feelings for someone. She read my eyes from the very beginning and understood me that very moment. Yet she hasn’t let stuff get into the way of our friendship and thats what makes me happier. Nothing has changed and I hope it never does, because finding friends like her is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Thanks to my fate I never had to look for friends. Making friends was something I never faced an issue with. Probably my biggest strength.

What were the life lessons? Go with the flow of life, don’t run after love because you’ll get everything but that. Whatever happens, happens for the freaking best! And just when you feel that everything is going downhill, turn back and run  uphill, fight your way through because if everything is going downhill its making the hill of life’s problems smaller and clearing a brighter top  for you and oh how bad you want to be there don’t you?

So this New Years’s eve at 23:59 all I’m going to do is take deep breath and a tiny jump into 2016, hoping for a happy year ahead. As simple as that.

 

Happy New Year everyone 😀

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